February 28, 2010

religion is scary. even hollywood thinks so.

i used to be quite a devout christian, which may or may not account for my predilection for horror flicks with religious content. the majority of this sub-genre is terrible, which is not to say that i haven't seen most of them. and a few of these freaky faith stories are pretty amazing, or at least pretty entertaining. these are my favorites.

the prophecy
the one that started it all. with christopher walken as fallen angel gabriel and viggo mortensen as the-most-terrifying-satan-ever-filmed, what's not to love? not to mention sweetheart virginia madsen.** srsly though, this movie was the first time i came across the concept of angels as assholes and i lurved it. hard. it makes so much sense that a race entirely devoted to worship and obedience would be a race of hard-edged, unforgiving jerks. or killers. often both. a bonus feature of this film? the deliciously tortured priest played by the deliciously named elias koteas. what can i say? i like emotionally disturbed clergy. makes for good angst.


supernatural
well, of course. all my thought trains lead to spn. probably why i'm writing this post. in my defense though, kripke took the idea of angels as dicks and ran with it. his bad angels are bad. as in, bringing on the apocalypse bad. as in, probably more insane than the denizens of hell bad. ferocious warrior angel uriel scares the pants off me. bureaucratic zachariah is such a dick, you just know he doesn't give a shit about any human. even angry castiel is quite intimidating, regardless of the trench coat. but then, lucifer? the fallen angel you'd expect to be the most terrifying? really, kind of a cool guy. pretty mellow, aside from that whole trying to take over sam's body issue.*** so the devil's pretty swell, angels are pricks and god is...missing? not your average take on christian mythos, but then the bible never mentions sam and dean, so i'll stick with this version.


the exorcist
it's a classic for a reason. this shit is fierce, even 37 years down the line. old priest + young priest + demonic tween vomiting pea soup = cinematic and narrative g. o. l. d.


seven
release in 1995, this one's almost a classic too. which makes me feel old. ooh! time for an anecdote. when i was about 14, i still wasn't "allowed" to watch any r-rated movies. (i hadn't yet realized that i didn't always have to obey the rules.) anyway, one night i was down the street babysitting with a friend of mine and after we put the kids to bed, we decided to watch "pulp fiction". i had never even conceived of the word fuck in so many different capacities. so, i was a little shocked, but thought the film was spectacular. of course. the next week, same babysitting arrangement and my friend and i decided to watch "seven". long story short, my mom found out and freaked! i shouldn't have been exposed to such violence and profanity at my young age, blah blah blah. so her answer was to let me watch whatever i wanted from then on, because it couldn't possibly get any worse. twisted logic, but i felt victorious nonetheless! but anyway, there are a jillion reasons "seven" is fantastic, but here's a quick overview. brad pitt! morgan freeman! kevin spacey! super inventive ways of killing people! lots of blood! "just because a guy has a library card, doesn't make him yoda!" "what's in the box?!?!?" david fincher! okay, i'm done.


constantine
oh shut up. i sincerely love keanu reeves, but this movie is ridiculously awesome and silly anyway. and a great campaign against smoking. srsly, watch it. i bet it would make a great drinking game.

the omen (and sorta the omen 3)
i had my first panic attack because of "the omen." true story. i was living in a dorm at the time and home alone one night. i get kinda spooked sometimes anyway, but i kept hearing these weird scraping noises from behind the wall, like a nail scratching on metal. it was quiet at first but became more and more insistent. then the sink turned on by itself. at which point i became rather hysterical. sobbing, i ran around the corner to my r.a.'s room and was raving about demons when she opened the door. long story short, she calmly walked me down the hall to where a bunch of maintenance dudes were working on the plumbing. oh, okay. plumbers, not the anti-christ. right. point is, it's kind of a scary movie. especially if you don't particularly like children.****



**secret fact, i love everyone/thing associated with the highlander series. ginny madsen was in highlander 2. so, there.

***fangirl musing...when lucifer possesses someone, does he take the form of demonic black smoke or angelic white light? maybe white smoke or black light? disco lucifer? i like.

****why the omen 3? because sam neill plays damien and he is a very convincing anti-christ/demonic figure. see also: "event horizon", "in the mouth of madness". i once wrote an article for my high school newspaper on how mr. neill was the scariest man alive. except for his turn as dr. alan grant in jurassic park. dr. grant tears it up, yo.

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